Dear Lord,

I thought I could understand Your reason for taking Raistlin away. But today I felt like You were being unfair to me. My next door neighbor just told us that a broken, drug-addict family who live near our house just had their baby. The news hit my heart and emotion really hard like being hit by a lightning.

“Why me? Why Raistlin?
Why are You giving someone, who’s addicted to drug,  a baby?
How come You blessed someone like that with a child and not me? What have I done to deserve such loss and pain?”

I am grateful for all the time You have given me to spend with Raistlin – the 23 weeks and 6 days Raistlin was in me plus the 28 hours that I spent the time with him.  But I can’t deny it, my faith to You is shaken to the core right now. I have served You most of my life and I know there are other people who are also devoted to You that share the same story as I do, so why did You let us suffer this loss? We took care of our bodies as Your sacred temples, so why can’t we enjoy the miracle You’ve given us in full? Why couldn’t You prevent Raistlin to kick so hard that his foot got stuck in the cervix? Why couldn’t You prevent his cord from prolapsing and caused him to be forced to come into the world so early? Why couldn’t You regulate his blood circulation so that he wouldn’t have a brain hemorrhage? Why couldn’t You let him live long enough so Kirk could recover from his surgery and come see his son while he’s still alive?

Tell me Lord, one reason to believe that this is the best for me. Because what I believe right now, having Raistlin with us on earth is the best for us and we know that will never happen. Maybe we will witness Your answer later in our lives, but I am seeking for an answer right now. Is that too much to ask?