“Dear Raistlin,

Today you are 2 weeks old. I’m wondering what you look like right now. Are you still growing? Are you able to breathe the air? How I miss holding your little fingers, touch your little nose and see you curling your little toes. Have your eyes opened? I’m always wondering what your eye color would be because your dad has beautiful green eyes.

My darling, I hope when you open your eyes, you can finally see us from heaven. I hope you will recognize us when we see you again. I hope to see your beautiful smile. Maybe you can come and visit us in our dreams. I hope that’s not too much to ask…”

Do babies grow in heaven? Can they hear us from above? See us? Talk to us? Will they recognize us, their earthly parents when we see them again? How will we find them? Will they wait for us at the heaven’s gate?

So many questions in my head right now. All the questions that I can’t find the answers, just like many other questions about life.

I can’t deny my longing to hold him, my regrets for not standing by him all day all night, holding his hands, massaging his feet, caressing his head and whispering to his ears to comfort him and tell him that I was there with him. I’m still wondering if he knew I was there and because his eyes were still not yet open. I wonder how he would recognize me and how I would find him when time comes.

I guess like other matters in life, I’ll just have to wait and see…