Today was supposed to be a happy day, welcoming Kirk back from his trip and launching our business.

Alas, my day didn’t start as planned. I had to go to Animal Emergency Hospital in Evergreen and put our lovely cat, Bilbo, to sleep 🙁

Last night was just like any other night. Herding the dogs to go to their crate and scolding Bilbo for sneaking out to the basement rather than to our bedroom. Yeah, they are our furry children and they act like children.

Later that night, Bilbo let out a loud cry/meow. Again, I didn’t suspect anything because he always does that when he’s about to puke a hair ball (or two). But this time he kept meowing and meowing and it got louder. He didn’t come when I called him, so I knew something is not right.

I went outside to check on him. He immediately walked away and after a couple of steps he stopped. It looked like he’s about to puke out that hair ball. I hold him and gave him a gentle rub on his neck to speed up the process but instead of coughing up something, he’s just panting and collapsed to the floor – Still making the noise as if he’s about to puke. In the meantime, I noticed a trail of feces and vomit on the floor, not far from him.

I then knew something has really gone wrong as he lied on his side and wasn’t able to move. I picked him up and he let out the loudest, most painful cry I’ve ever heard, so I ran back to the bedroom and frantically grabbed my phone and started searching for animal emergency hospital.

You see, we moved up in the mountain a year ago. We don’t know the area that well just yet. In panic, my hands were shaking as I typed the keyword on google. My heart sank when I found out the nearest one is in Bergen Park, Evergreen. I was really afraid I wouldn’t make it in time to save his life.

By the time I called them, bilbo’s breathing has gone much weaker. There was foam in his mouth and he’s not moving at all. I carried him and ran to the car that I luckily parked at the back of the house. I had no time to put him in the carrier, so I just laid him down on the passenger seat.

Driving in the mountain at night was scary. You never know when the deer, elk, and foxes came out from the wood to the street. Yet I had to drive fast in pitch black on the road with so many switchbacks. Throughout the way I kept talking to him, at least making him meow so I know he’s still with me. I was scared. But I was even more scared to lose him.

30 minutes later, I finally arrived at the hospital. He’s still meowing and tried to move. I carried him inside and handed over to the vet technician and I crashed on the bench releasing the remaining adrenaline rush and felt relief that I made it there.

Alas, that was the only moment of relief that I was allowed to have. Soon afterwards, the vet came out and told me Bilbo was in a dire situation. He showed me a syringe half-filled with blood. The blood was from his lungs. I couldn’t believe what I heard. How could that happen? He didn’t have any injury or trauma that could puncture his lungs. I looked at the vet dumbfounded and in disbelief.

He then showed me the X-Ray photos he took. I was right, no broken ribs, no puncture wounds or weird object in his body. Yet there was fluid in there surrounding his heart. He said that Bilbo was suffering a serious cardiac problem.

I was speechless and I couldn’t stop my tears to start flowing. Bilbo was always a sassy and feisty cat. He never showed symptoms of illness aside from puking hair ball. It never across my mind that he has heart problem.

The vet showed me his treatment plan and the series of tests. He said there are two possibilities of why this happened: 1) hypothyroidism that caused the heart to swell or 2) cardiomyopathy: a condition where the wall of the heart grows thicker and makes the chambers in the heart shrink that it cannot contain the normal volume of blood to pump to the body.

Minutes later, he came out with the result: the thyroid was normal. My heart sank even deeper but I just couldn’t give up hope yet. I didn’t want to put my cat to sleep because of incorrect diagnosis. Also, Kirk is coming home tomorrow and I really want him to see Bilbo at least for the last time. I asked the vet what are my options. He said that I need to take him to a cardiologist and get an ultrasound of the heart. Unfortunately, the closest one is in Wheat Ridge and with Bilbo’s condition, he will not make it there in time.

I was stuck. There was no other options but putting him to sleep. I called Kirk to let him know that it’s the only option. It broke my heart to give him that news because I know how much he loves Bilbo.

The vet and the technician came out with Bilbo wrapped in the blanket. He was meowing and his eyes were sparkling with hope when he saw me there. I cried. I knew that he was thinking that I was going to take him home. I cried because that was not the case. When they laid him on the table, he kept meowing and trying to turn his head to look at me. It was like him questioning why we didn’t leave the hospital.

I gave him gentle strokes to his head and kept whispering “I’m here” to him as the vet injected the anesthesia to his hind leg. First attempt failed as he had no blood circulation anymore to his lower body. Second attempt to his front leg, still had problem finding blood flow. When I almost stopped him and say it’s okay to just let him sleep on his own, a blood splurted into the syringe. He found the blood flow. 5 seconds later, Bilbo was gone to sleep.

I never realized how much I love him till today. I have never cried like this for any other pets that I owned. He has left a mark on the special place in my heart and I couldn’t stop saying “I am sorry” when I walked to my car.

My darling Bilbo, I’ll forever miss your cuddliness and purring noise. I truly am sorry for not giving you a much love as you gave me. Just know that your Dad loves you too and he was so sad that he couldn’t be with you.

Rest in Peace, my sweet cat…